it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
