He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
