i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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