I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Randomize
