What did we do last night that was yellow?
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
My feet surprised me
Randomize
