eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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