Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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