Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
