I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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