i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
