Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
