I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
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