my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
