we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize
