Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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