i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
How many fucks given?
0.12846
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
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