When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
