She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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