you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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