Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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