When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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