just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
