Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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