Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
