dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
