just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
