margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
