Define "chronic" masturbator.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
