It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I'm bleeding and have questions
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
