It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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