guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
