ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
