I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
