Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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