I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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