My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
