btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
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