You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Randomize
