You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
