I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Randomize
