i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Did I show you my penis last night?
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
