Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
