so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
