I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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