The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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