She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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