I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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