hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
So squirting runs in the family.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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