Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
