I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
